Chimera
by Socket-58
Summary: It stings more than it should and she doesn't want to admit what that means. Terry/Ramani


**Timeline: **Episode 331 (Post Ben's court case/Ramani finding out about Terry and Lucy)

**Disclaimer:** I don't know who owns 'em, so I'll say everything Ramani/Terry related belongs to ITV, not me. I just make them do weird stuff and then put them back. No infringement intended.

**A/N:** Okay, so, this is what should have happened at the end of episode 331.

**Chimera **

By Socket

Since she found out, she can think of nothing else. Ramani knows it's none of her business, but it is. Terry's her friend, if it hadn't been for him she wouldn't be here, the whole trauma of Margaret's obsession would have overwhelmed her, but he had been there. Had made her hold on and fight… and now… now she doesn't know what to think.

He's important to her, but she's disconcerted by this new development. She expected more of him… maybe too much. After all – that's what had caused the break-up of her marriage, wasn't it? Unrealistic expectations. But Terry is the only man that has come close to reaching those expectations and she feels like she's mourning, like she's lost her faith in him forever.

How could he do something so licentious and stupid? Sleeping with his brother's wife – that was the oldest one in the book. And Ramani's angry because this could mean that when he lay in that hospital bed and she'd cried over him, he was thinking of Lucy. When he touched Ramani's arm and smiled at her, he was probably wishing Lucy had been there instead…

Ramani sits down at her desk, opposite her is Terry and she stares at the computer screen to avoid looking at him. And she's angry with herself for feeling this way. For reacting this way – like a child, but that's what he's reduced her to – playing these stupid avoidance games and she hates that she's being unprofessional at work, but she doesn't want to look at him, doesn't want to hear his voice because it stings. It stings more than it should and she doesn't want to admit what that means.

Terry watches her, frowning in concentrated thought, and she hasn't spoken to him since their fight, hasn't looked at him all day. He catches her eye and she immediately looks away from him and shakes her head, as if in condemnation.

Perkins sucks in a breath and stands, he looks about the virtually empty office and moves over to her desk.

He's been her first line of defence more times than she cares to remember and now, now he's turned around and opened fire on her. She knows he's tried to make it up, take back those things he said… those keywords he knew would hurt – she's interfering, she doesn't listen – and it was pointed, the way he'd said it – as if she's let him down, and she's suddenly reminded of her weaknesses, reminded of what Terry needs from her but she's unable to give.

Terry leans close to her and says in a hushed voice. "What's your problem?" because he's had enough of her being angry with him and he's surprised how much it's affecting him – maybe because he never thought anything could come between them.

"I don't have a problem, Terry," she replies pointedly, looking directly at him.

And Terry broke her defences when she needed him to, respected her boundaries when she needed him to. She's never had to explain herself to him; there had been something between them – an innate understanding, and now she feels betrayed, feels wasted.

"I'm not the one compensating for the guilt of putting my brother away by sleeping with his wife," she says obstinately, and maybe she's overreacting, but she can't stop herself, she wants him to see what a mistake he's making, that what he thinks he feels for Lucy isn't genuine.

"Why are you really so angry?" he demands, moving closer to Ramani.

She stands and tries to step around him, but he blocks her exit with his arm and she suddenly feels afraid, not of him, but of the situation, of what she might accidentally say if he pushes her any further.

"Ramani?" he stands and his face is so close to hers, she just wants to escape.

She wants it as it was, but the Terry she knew is gone. The gentleman, the pure heart, the soft giant, her friend, he's gone now and she's still mourning. And she keeps trying to justify her disapproval through Ben and Bradley – but that's not the real reason. She feels the reason, feels the jealous niggling at her.

"I don't wish to discuss this with you Terry," she says dismissively and grips his arm – pushing it away, forcing her way past him.

He hesitates, then reaches out and takes hold of her hand, twisting her so that she faces him.

Ramani starts at this action and immediately pulls her hand free of his, Perkins looks down at the ground, feeling embarrassed – the last time he reached for her hand she had let him – now she stares accusingly at him, as if he's violated her.

"Well I want to discuss it – I want an answer, I know you disapprove of my relationship with Lucy - "

Ramani laughs humourlessly. "Relationship?!" she exclaims. "Is that what you're calling it?"

"Yes!" he growls, hurt that she's mocking him. "Lucy and I are in a relationship."

Ramani shakes her head and moves assuredly towards him. "No," she says firmly. "Lucy needs someone – anyone - to make everything alright, and you – you feel guilty because it was you who convinced Bradley to testify against your brother. What you have with Lucy is misguided co-dependency, not a relationship!"

His grey eyes burn into hers. "Whatever you think of me – it shouldn't effect our working relationship – you've been dismissive and rude to me all day."

Ramani bites her lower lip; he's right, she has been unreasonable. Although, morally, she disapproves of his decisions, something greater has taken over. Fear. Fear that she's losing him.

'_You can care too much_,' that's what she'd told him earlier today and she was telling herself too… she has become too involved with him, too complicit.

She can understand Lucy's attraction to Terry because in Ramani's hour of need, Terry had held her and said all the right things… and it would have been so easy to let things progress, to kiss him, to let him into her bed, but she had resisted and now, part of her wishes she had been more courageous.

"Is that all there is to it?" he demands. "Your dislike of Lucy?"

She stares at him in astonishment. "I don't dislike Lucy!"

"Yeah, sure," he says disbelievingly.

"I have nothing against her," Ramani protests.

"Then why are you being like this? What's really behind it?"

"Terry, don't," she warns.

De Costa picks up her bag and he knows her next move, knows she'll try and leave and he wants her to be honest, wants to know what she's thinking – he can't bare the idea that she's withholding something from him.

"Come on," he entreats.

"I want to go home, I'm tired. We can talk tomorrow, alright?"

"No – we always play by your terms and I'm sick of it!"

"My terms?" she exclaims. "You're the one that forced your way into my life – I didn't invite you!"

He takes a step back, as if she's struck him. "Oh, I see – I'm impeding on your life, am I?" he turns his back on her and starts to walk away, shouting over his shoulder. "Well that's just great! Thanks Ramani – nice to know our relationship was entirely one sided!"

Several people in the office look up – surprised to hear Terry Perkins raise his voice, especially to De Costa – those two were usually tick as thieves.

Ramani watches his back as he disappears though the swing doors and feels panic rise in her stomach.

She grips her bag strap and then chases after him. "Terry! Terry – wait!" she calls as she races through the swing doors after him.

He's on the stairs when she catches him up.

"Wait!" she says as she grabs his arm and forces him to stop.

He turns on his heel to face her, but recoils from her touch and glares questioningly at her.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs.

"For what? For dismissing our friendship or for insulting my relationship with Lucy?"

Ramani takes a breath. "Why her Terry? Of all women, why did you choose her?"

Terry's expression softens. "Because she needed me," he replies.

Ramani holds his eye. "I need you," she says quietly.

Terry's eyebrows arch in surprise. "What?"

"I thought there was… that we had…" she pauses and looks awkwardly down at her hands. "I guess I was wrong," she raises her eyes and looks directly at him. "I'm sorry for my recent behaviour, I won't let my personal feelings get in the way of our working relationship again, okay?"

She smiles sadly and is about to walk past him when Terry quickly puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"We do, we have something," he says earnestly.

They hold each other's gaze and then he leans towards her, gently pressing his lips to hers. Ramani slips her arms about his neck and Terry pushes her against the wall. She feels the full length of his body press against her and then their lips separate.

"What are we doing?" she whispers.

Terry gazes into her eyes. "I don't know… we need to talk."

He takes her hand and De Costa lets him lead her to an empty interrogation room. They enter and he locks the door behind them.

Ramani puts her bag on the table and looks at Terry. "What is this? What's going on?"

Terry's eyes flicker with acknowledgment. "You were right, what I have with Lucy isn't real… what I feel for her isn't a fraction of what I feel for you."

She sees it's the truth and it stills her.

Terry moves nearer to her and reaches out, his hands encompass her waist and he leans in close. "I want to try this… us," he says sincerely.

De Costa smiles shyly. "Terry, I'm not sure it's such a good idea, not anymore, not after everything…"

Terry cups her face and his lips are on hers again. She gives into her instincts and her arms circle his neck, pulling him closer.

"Please," he whispers into her ear.

Their eyes lock and she nods.

Terry grins. "I knew you'd succumb to my cockney charm in the end!"

Ramani laughs. "Just shut-up and kiss me!"

The End


End file.
